Heard at The Office: 9/5/2012

Me: "MS is sick and going to the doctor so she will not be in today."
Tori: "Must be that Disneyland! You know I was thinking that it's probably fairy mating season so there's a lot of extra pixie dust in the air and MS must be allergic to it! Woop Ha ha!"
Me thinking to myself: "What the heck? Who thinks up something like that!?"

Later that day:

Me: "MS called and she has bronchitis, but she will be in in the morning."
Tori: "Oh whooop! Well I hope she didn't get sick till after her trip with all that pixie dust in the air!"
Me (internally): "......You've got to be kidding me...."

The next day:

MS: *cough*
Tori: Wup! It sounds like someone got too much pixie dust in Disneyland! Huh Huh haaa!"

MS: *cough* *cough*
Tori: "Wup! There's that pixie dust again! Huh haaah ha!"

MS: *cough* *cough* *cough*
Tori: "Wup! There's that pixie dust! Huh haaah ha!"

MS: *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough*
 Tori: "Woop! There's that pixie dust again! Huh haaah ha!"

Me (thinking to myself): "She has freaking bronchitis you idiot! So she's coughing a lot. If you say pixie dust one more time I am going to punch you in the throat!"

Heard at The Office: 9/19/2012

MJ at the front desk: Great Salt Lake Council. How may I direct your call?
Lady calling in: Is Miss Trudie Kesler in?
MJ: Trudie is on her line. Would you like to hold?
Lady: Oh shit, oh shit, I guess I need to pay more attention while I'm driving. Sorry about that. I will need to call back. (hang-up)
MJ: (Wow, that was totally enexpected.)

Heard at The Office: 9/19/2012

Tori: "So it has always bothered me when people name their children Jesus." (She pronounces it as 'Geezus').

Me: ....................internally thinking what the fudge?!

Tori: "But you know it dawned on me that many Christians name their kids Christian, which shortened would be Christ. So hmmmm. That's interesting."

Me: .................... (imagine crickets in the background)................... while in my head I'm thinking: "Seriously? Geezus!?! It's pronounced 'Haysus' you ignoramus!"

Heard at The Office: 8/24/12

Me talking to Tori - What did you bring for the party?
Tori - I made these brownie like things.  They're supposed to be made with peanut butter but I used almond butter.
Me - May I have one?  They're very good.
Tori - I haven't really had one either (takes a bite).  Well, they don't taste like peanut butter! 
(To myself, if you didn't use peanut butter why are you surprised they don't taste like peanut butter?)

Tori - Today is  my son's bithday!
Me (trying to act interested) - Oh, how old is he?
Tori - I dont know!  Isn't that funny?
Me - You don't know how old he is?  Well, what year was he born?
Tori - I don't know!  Isn't that funny?  I don't know how old any of my kids are!  Hee, hee, hee.  Isn't that funny?  Hee, hee, hee.

Heard at the Office: 8/24/12

Me: *sneeze*
Me: "Excuse me."
Tori: "Sushi!!!?!!!?!!!" Hu Hu Haaah! "Did you just say sushi?" Hu Hu Haah!
Me: "No."
Tori: "It sounded like you said Sushi!"Huh Huh Haaah!
Me: "Hmm. It was excuse me."
Tori: Hu Hu Haah! Hu Hu Haah! "Sushi!" Hu Hu Haah!
Me: ..................................
Tori: "Normally I'd say gesundheit, but today I'll say something Japanese..." Hu Hu Haah!
Tori: "Hah, konnichiwa!"
Me: ..................................
Tori: Hu!
Tori: Hu!
Tori: Hah!
Tori: Haaah!
Tori: Hu!
Me: ..................................

5 minutes later:
Tori: Hu Hu Haah! Hu Hu Haah! "Sushi!" Hu Hu Haah!
Me: ..................................

Heard at the Office: 5/14/12

Tori: "Hello Delah, this is Tori from the GSLC of the BSA of the Salt Lake valley in Utah..." (...citizen of Earth, promoter of incessant whistling, hummer of all things Disney or commercial jingle, keeper of the faith... you get the gist. I thought it'd never end.). "I am calling to see if I can ascertain a document that was given to Ricardo regarding Title One Schools in Utah. Ricardo needs me to file a report to the (blah blah blah yackity shmackity)..... and I was wondering if it was logical that you, Dora, would have access to it in an electronic version?"

"Thank you, Darlah."

Apparently it's okay to use proper names even if they do not belong to the person with whom you are speaking.